Memoria
by ansunobe
Summary: An alternate universe fan fiction telling the story of Na'Mirae Lavellan and how she comes to be the Inquisitor. 25 thousand years after the Dread Wolf destroys the Veil Elvhenan stands at the brink of destruction yet again. The Dread Wolf has disappeared, the Evanuris are free and wars between factions threaten the entire planet.
1. Chapter 1

"For twenty thousand years have our people fought. For twenty thousand years we have been destroying what _**he**_ had fought for. For twenty thousand years we have warred amongst ourselves and killed each other, bringing chaos to the order _**he**_ built. Again we stand at the brink of obliteration. We are forgetting our culture, our history, disregarding our morals and damning our future. I say no more! It is time for us to act against the Evanuris. It is time for us to raise, it is time for us to change our past. Let us go back and change what was done wrong. Let us help _**him**_ help us all. He does not have to do this alone. Let us revive the project our predecessors started and finish it! What say you?"

I looked at Xian as he spoke. He stood proud and tall on the pedestal in the middle of the round council chamber. There was flame in his eyes I had not seen for hundreds of years. He was ready! Ready for the renewal, for the rebirth of our people. The attending exploded with ovations when he finished his speech. Hundreds of elves stood up from their seats and applauded, their faces alight by hope.

The council members however stood quiet. Their eyes focused on Xian and me. The chamber grew thick with anticipation. What will they decide? I wonder.

Xian is a member of the council and he was the only one daring to oppose their decisions. He was the only one willing to sacrifice all in the name of our people. He reminded me of Fen'Harel or at least of what we knew of him.

Fen'Harel or as we called him the Dread Wolf took down the Veil twenty five thousand years ago and thus ended the Dark Ages - those were the thousand years our people lived separated from the Fade and all magic, the time when the elves started aging.

For five thousand years, before he disappeared, the Wolf fought to rejuvenate the elvhen people. And it worked. For a while at least. After his disappearance we tried to keep his teachings, but we tried in vain. We needed a leader. We had grown used to it. We were not free, we could not live without someone pulling the reigns. We searched for someone to show us the right path, but such a leader did not exist. It was evident we needed the Wolf, but he never came back to us despite our prayers and pleas.

After Fen'Harel's disappearance a group of elves dedicated their lives to find a way to free the Evanuris. Poor fools, they did not know any better. And so the ancient elvhen "Gods" were set free. Since then things have been going from bad to worse. Slowly, the people were separated in factions, each faction worshiped a member of the Evanuris, not unlike the years before the Dark Ages. Soon after the Evanuris found out they had been asleep for twenty five thousand years and the Dread Wolf was most probably dead, the branding started. Not long after that the slavery and mass suppression. Seventeen thousand years ago, right before my "birth" the wars started. Faction fighting against faction. Elves killing elves, death and destruction and all in the name of the Evanuris. Whole continents of our planet were in war and soaked with the blood of our People.

Fifteen thousand years ago, I helped our faction build an underground movement. We formed a secret council. The leaders of the council, elder elves, were representatives of each faction, they were picked by Xian and me. Most of the members of the movement were from our faction - Fen'Harel's faction. Xian and I did everything possible to keep the council and its members safe so we built a military force - the Fen'aris. Despite my objections I was picked a leader of the Fen'aris - since I have been fighting in the war for almost fifteen thousand years and had the best fighting skills. I took my sister with me. Semiel was my right hand and always stood beside me and helped me in all endeavours. She also accompanied me on all my missions, but not today. Today she stood outside of the council chamber together with a Fen'aris squad I picked for this mission.

They were here to protect the attending, for tonight is the most important night since the movement started. Tonight we have to make a decision. Open war against the Evanuris or revive the _Proximus Memoria Iter_ or as we call it _Memoria_.


	2. Chapter 2

"You are suggesting that we revive _Memoria,_ is that it?" A voice finally broke the silence. "Are you sure you are able to rebuild it? You will need lyrium, a lot of it. Moving such large shipments will not go unnoticed. We will be risking the exposure of the council!" Talia said. She always second guessed new ideas. That was the main reason why we picked her for the council. She enabled us to think outside of the box which offered an opportunity to work harder and show the council we were up for the task.

"Yes, Talia. I suggest we revive _Memoria_. We were able to decipher the schematics of our ancestors about a century ago and I am sure we can rebuild it. We need to send people back and try to do things differently. We need to go back to before the time the Wolf disappeared and try to persuade him to stay" Xian said with a smile I knew all too well. He was not telling the entire truth, he was hiding something. I will find out what later.

"And what of the lyrium?" Gareth's deep voice thundered in the chamber.

"We have a solution for that, my lord" I said "We found lyrium mines not far from the Gray Citadel"

"The Gray Citadel? Are you mad? This is one of the places the Evanuris use as a military base!" Gareth shouted at me.

"Yes, I am well aware of that, my lord. They would not expect our soldiers to be digging in their territory. I assure you they don't have those parts under surveillance. We have already moved great quantities of lyrium from the mine and they have not found out, furthermore... "

"Yet" Talia interrupted. me "They have not found out yet! You are risking a lot Fen'aris!" She lifted herself from her seat, her hands resting on the table in front of the council. There was fury in her eyes as she stared down at me.

"I know what I am risking for fuck…" Xian held out his hand and interrupted me before I could finish my sentence. I growled and closed my mouth, but the anger did not dissipate. Why does everybody keep interrupting me today, dammit?

"Talia, we need a few more weeks and then the mine will be empty. Our people are working double shifts to make this happen. All we need is your approval and then we can start rebuilding Memoria." Xian clarified.

Gareth sighed loudly. "Fine. We will now withdraw and consider your request" he said irritably. It appeared that he was going to be more difficult to persuade than Talia. I don't envy Xian, his task is not an easy one.

With this the gathering was concluded, at least for now. The attendants walked out of the chamber while the leaders withdrew one by one and entered the debating room. I have been in that room many times before; we used it to discuss military matters, but I have never attended the council meetings, thank the Wolf. I never wished to be responsible for the decisions that shaped the future of our people. It is enough for me to fight beside Xian and help him as best as I can.

I walked out of the chamber to join my squad. They had gathered next to the door. Rhyan'nan was leaning on the wall and his arm resting on the hilt of his sword. He was one of the youngest members of the Fen'aris, but he had already managed to impress me. He was a quick learner and adapted fast to our ever changing tactics. Semiel sat on the floor next to Rhyan'nan, her fingers idly picking on her bow. It seemed they were bored out of their skulls. The rest of the squad had scattered around conversing with elves who had just come out of the meeting.

The moment Semiel and Rhyan'an saw me they straightened and saluted me. "At ease soldiers" I said as a small smile formed on my lips. They looked good together. Both young and so vibrant. _I have to do something about that_ , I noted to myself. The rest of the squad joined us few minutes later.

"Well guys, all we have to do now is wait. The big heads are sitting in a meeting. We will see what will come out of this" I told them.

"Oh for Wolf's sake, what is there to think about. Can't we just charge and wipe those pompous asses out of the Gray Citadel?" Rhyan'nan asked. _That boy, always so eager to fight. I do hope he does not get himself killed_ , I thought to myself.

"It is not that simple" I said "We want to minimize the losses Rhyan. Our people have paid with too many lives as it is. The thing is, an open war against the Evanuris would probably make them join forces. And that is exactly what the council is afraid of. We want to use that fear to our advantage and go for the solution that has the least amount of casualties" I answered and Semiel nodded in agreement. She sat on the floor again, quietly observing the people around us. She always observed and analyzed. I guess that was what made her such a good archer. I have never met anybody else so quick with a bow.

We waited for 6 hours before Xian came out of the chamber. As he waved at me, I stood up from the floor and went to him. He gestured to enter the chamber and I followed. He closed the door behind him and turned to me, there was victory written all over his face.

"We did it Mirae, we did it!" he said placing his hands on my arms "We can rebuild Memoria!"

"This is incredible, how did you manage to get passed Talia?" I asked feeling the excitement taking over. My heart raced at the thought we could finally start working on this long awaited project.

"It was easy" he said ironically and rolled his eyes at me "In the end I promised I will send my best people back in the past" he answered. "I bet they will be thrilled!" he said with a sarcastic smile.

"Your best people?" I said slowly, a bad sinking feeling forming in my stomach.

"Yes, but we will discuss this at a later stage, for now, I want you to start training your best soldiers and I want you to train them personally. We want the best mages, warriors and assassins. Now if you excuse me I have some arrangements to make. Oh, and check on the progress in the mine."

"Yes, sir" I answered and we exited the chamber.


	3. Chapter 3

After only five weeks the mine was empty and, according to our scientists, the lyrium we had acquired would be enough to build Memoria and more.

When the construction of the project started it proved to be both difficult and time consuming. Scientists, mages, mechanics and technicians worked day and night. In the meantime I sent out scouts twice a week to sweep the area and started preparing our best soldiers for the upcoming mission.  
I practiced with both the warriors and the mages, because I was as good with a staff as with a sword. The training was extensive and straining for both me and my men, but we had a mission and nothing could stop me from giving my men the best chance for survival. Every evening I met Xian in his quarters and gave an extensive report on the progress of our troops. Xian always insisted on healing my wounds afterwards, even though I was a decent healer myself. It seemed that the daily training and scouting the area was taking it's toll on me as I had become sloppy in protecting myself during the training sessions. I had not cast that many magic spells since the last battle I took part in five hundred years ago. I felt as if it was yesterday and yet for humans, had they still existed, five lifetimes would have passed. I saw the very last of their species. After the fall of the Veil, if they had not been killed by the immediate impact with the Fade, the few remaining humans slowly faded out of existence. It was sad, yet, to so some of us the fleeting lives of humans seemed so insignificant. For the immortal elves they were over in a mere blink of an eye. One day they were here, the next - gone. Nonetheless, I missed them. I had several good friends amongst them. But they could not endure the destructive power the elves wielded. We were too big for them, too powerful, too lasting. The humans felt like ants amidst a battle of titans. Many of my people thought of them as such. I wonder if Fen'Harel felt anything seeing this. If I were the one to cause the annihilation of whole races, I would despise myself even if my deeds were in the name of my own people. He must have been a very lonely person. Someone who lives with such guilt cannot be truly happy. I know I would not be. There are so many questions, I wish could meet him. We know so little of our savior. I read all the manuscripts that contained information about him, but most of them were speculations and all dated from after the Dark Ages. I know there must be more, but somehow it had all vanished.

Two months after the start of the project a group of scouts failed to report. That worried me and later that day my worries tripled. Another group of scours came back and reported enemy movements to the south of our hideout. I had hoped it would have taken longer before we were discovered, but deep inside I knew we would be attacked sooner or later. I decided to go after the missing scouts and Semiel formed up a squad and we left the hideout.  
We traced the path the scouts had taken and after five days we found them. Like we already suspected all of them were dead. Five corpses were scattered in the grass along the road. I went to the one closest to me and inspected the body. It was a young man. He was probably barely a thousand years old. I felt pity for such a young lad that he had to die like this. On several places on his corpse I found burned holes. They went all the way through his body. _What did the enemy use to burn holes like that_? If it had been magic I would have sensed its traces.  
I heard a noise in the bushes behind me and spun around right in time to see a red beam of energy flying towards me. I dove to the left and successfully evaded the attack. Men carrying Dirthamen's banner jumped out of the bushes and we fought for a long while. Thank the Wolf we won without any losses on our side. After short rest we examined the bodies of the attackers. I found one of them holding a weapon I did not recognize. I kicked it out of the corpse's grasp and looked perplexed at Semiel. She responded with the same confused look and shrugged. I took the weapon in my hand, mimicking the way the corpse had held it. With the weapon pointed at a tree I pressed the small trigger underneath my index finger. A beam shot out with incredible speed burning a hole in the trunk and setting on fire the bushes behind it. I took a closer look. There was a piece of red lyrium near the handle of the weapon that seemed to be powering it.

"Shit, shit, shit! How could the Evanuris develop such a weapon?!" Semiel exclaimed.

"Fenhedis!" I added.

Even a mage would not stand a chance against an army equipped with weapons such as this. I was sure Xian and the council would want to see this so I placed the weapon in my backpack.

We were exhausted so we set up a camp not too far away from where the battle took place. On the next day we took the road back to our hideout.

Five days later we arrived and Semiel and I went directly to Xian. We showed him the weapon, he thanked us and gave it to the scientists. While they examined the weapon Semiel and I went to our quarters.  
The military part of the hideout was nothing fancy. We had small rooms usually for 4 people. Since Semiel and I were the only females in the Fen'aris we shared a room furnished just for us two. The room had no windows and only basic comforts. A bed with a nightstand was placed on each side of the room and a writing desk opposite the door. When we entered I murmured a spell and with a slight movement of my hand the lamps that stood beside our beds lit up. Semiel huffed under her nose and sat on the bed opposite to me.

"Lazy mage or a show off. I can never tell" she said with a cheeky smile.

"Hah, says the girl with the bow" I laughed "Why don't you try real fighting like a true warrior or memorizing all those spells and knowing how to strengthen their effect by moving your staff at the precise moment with the precise amount of power. You just jump around and throw arrows in every direction hoping to hit a target"

"Please, don't make me laugh. You need good eyes, precision and patience to be an archer. What is so difficult in swinging a sword? As long as one knows which end to point at the enemy one does not need anything more to 'know' how to fight with a sword"

My little sister and I always had a good relationship. I loved her to bits. She is the youngest of three. Our older sister died right before my "birth". Her name was Aeryn. They say I look a lot like her and in many ways also talk like her. She was a dreamer and but one day she never woke up. Her body simply withered and died. If the connection between the spirit and the body is broken while the spirit is in the Fade, in very rare cases the spirit might continue its existence, but the body dies. Our mother tried to find Aeryn many times, but she never succeeded.

"Sis…" Semiel's voice shocked me out of my thoughts "We don't stand a chance, do we?" she asked and when I looked at her I saw the sadness in her eyes.

"Memoria is almost ready, Sem, we will make it. Xian told me that he will send his best people on this mission and they will find the Wolf. We have a good chance, I am sure of it." I told her, but for the first time deep inside of me I felt a seed of doubt in my own words. _What if they don't make it_? Then we have to fight this war and most probably lose. That weapon...it was unlike anything I have ever seen. It wielded power stronger than a mage and now anyone could use that power.

"Rae" Semiel whispered and crease formed in her brows " _ **We**_ are his best people..."  
"Yes, but he will not send us, he needs us here" I told her while stretching on my bed "We will not go off on a trip I am not sure we can even come back from. We are needed here" I said and rested my head on the pillow. I closed my eyes and before I knew it sleep took over and darkness fell around me.


	4. Chapter 4

Semiel and Rhyan'nan grew closer and closer. I often saw them training together or sitting next to each other at lunch. But my sister still could not see that _this_ was more than just friendship. When I tried to engage her in conversations about him, she always denied having feelings for him and found a way to change the subject. But her blushing cheeks always proved otherwise. I really had to do something about it, so more often than not I gave them tasks to perform together while I went on missions with other squads. At my order they were often scheduled for the same night duty.

Weeks went by. The enemy did not waste time and we were engaged in fights ever closer to our hideout. Dirthamen and Elgar'nan had worked together for years now. So we knew, when Dirthamen's forces show up, Elgar'nan's would soon follow and sure enough, a few weeks after we had found the weapon a big group of people wearing Elgar'nan's banner attacked us to the west. They lured us into a trap they had set for us still far from the hideout, but that meant we had very little time to finish Memoria.  
Strange thing, time. The immortal elves, have entirely different perception of time. We spent months in meditation or in preparation for a wedding. My people were not afraid of age or death, thus we could spend millennia contemplating on a subject. Some spells took years to prepare or cast and sometimes to see their effect one had to wait even longer. Being timeless, meant no one had to rush into anything before carefully weighing the consequences and if there were changes to be made, this would, as humans used to say, take forever. And yet, now, we are running out of time, the one thing we always had in abundance of.  
In the ambush we almost lost the entire squad. Several of my people were shot on sight, the others, despite my efforts to heal them, died from their wounds days later. The blighted weapon was used by Elgar'nan as well, no wonder there, but this time all of his people were equipped with it. That lead me to believe the weapon we took was a prototype, they seemed to have mass production now...Fenhedis!  
We went back to our base carrying our fallen. I could still see the shock on their faces as the enemy shot them down one by one. There was nothing any of us could have done to prevent this from happening. I could only hope that our scientists will come up with a solution that can protect our troops. With heavy heart I sent out messengers to the families of the dead members of my squad and then reported to Xian. He didn't take the loss of so many good men well. It took him a while to recover from the shock. He gave orders to have part of our researchers work on some kind of shielding against this weapon. We also needed to speed up the construction of Memoria because the enemy was drawing closer and would soon discover our hideout. More people had to be added to the teams already working on the project. The council promised two teams of mages and scientists and with them several researchers to be sent to us. When they arrived a few days later I took them personally to the construction area which was situated deep under ground.  
As we entered the building site my eyes fell on an object that sat in the middle of the testing area. I arranged for the scientists to meet the other teams. They had to start working immediately. When that was settled, I walked towards the construction not able to resist my curiosity. It was an enormous mirror which was integrated into a machine that was powered by an engine running on the energy extracted from the lyrium. My hand slowly traced the frame of the mirror, being inactive at this moment, the mirror's surface was dark and quiet.  
"Memoria is an eluvian?" I asked turning my attention to Xian who had approached me while I was studying the machine in front of me. He stood so close to me that I could feel the warmth of his body on mine. Something in me stirred, but I did not move away, his closeness felt somehow natural.  
"Yes, it is an eluvian" he said. I could feel the timbre of his voice resonating in my chest, it was so deep and somehow softer than usual "A rather special one, I might add, as it affects time not only space. Our team of mages just finished decrypting the spell that activates it. This spell is quite tricky to perform" Xian added, idly running his fingers over the mirror's frame.  
"Why am I not surprised? Regardless, I am sure for you it will not be much of a challenge" I said smiling at him.  
"Rae, I would like to speak with you … privately" he said not returning my smile. His blue eyes, now focused on mine, expressed sadness I had never seen before.  
My brows furrowed. _Why do I have bad feeling about this_?  
"When and where do you wish to talk? I also have some questions for you" I asked not expressing my concerns.  
"Tonight in my quarters…That is..." he cleared his throat "If you don't mind of course" he added not noticing his hand was now resting on mine.  
He had touched me before, after all he regularly healed my wounds, but this time it was different and I felt it. When he healed me he always concentrated on the task. His movements were quick and only meant to help position me so he could cast his spells. But now his touch was gentle and warm. His skin felt welcoming and soft. My pulse quickened and I felt my face warming up all the way to the tip of my ears.  
"I've been visiting your quarters for the past months, why would I suddenly mind it?" I asked averting my eyes and gently moving my hand away.

That made Xian notice his unconscious actions and he moved his hand, nervously shifting in his spot.

"I, uh...I will see you tonight then, after dinner" he stuttered and could not walk away quick enough.  
I barely held the soft chuckle that rose in my throat as I watched him awkwardly scratching his neck while he walked out of the construction site. Xian was a fierce mage warrior and yet when it came to women, he was as timid and careful as a deer. Albeit short, I've witnessed several of his relationships and he was always so clumsy. However, he had never acted like this towards _**me**_. For some reason Semiel always tried to pair us off, but I never took the time to think about romance now least than ever. I have fought in the wars with the other clans for as long as I can remember. There has always been death and destruction around me. When I was appointed leader of the Fen'aris I started training them personally. They had to be the best so I gave everything I could to make that happen. Xian had even more work than me. He had to oversee the movements of our troops, attend council meetings and plan future attacks. Of course we both had relationships during those years, but somehow in the end we always ended up seeking each other's company and spending a lot of time together.

I stood in front of the bathroom mirror while Semiel showered behind the curtain. My hands idly took the hair band lying at the sink and tied my hair in a high ponytail.  
"So, what do you think Xian wants to talk to you about?" I heard Semiel's voice through the sound of splashing water.

"I have no idea" I spoke absentmindedly. My mind lingered on this morning, the warmth of Xian's hand and his eyes focused on mine had occupied my thoughts for the biggest part of the afternoon.

I noticed the makeup kit Semiel had brought from our room. I took a black crayon pencil and drew lines above my eyelashes. I looked at myself and shook my head. _What am I doing_? _Why am I putting makeup on now_? I tried to remove the lines with my index finger and only made it worse, the black smudged all over my eyelids, but before I could wash it away, Semiel held my hands.

"Wait! This looks amazing! Give me that" she said and snatched the pencil from my hands "Close!" she commanded and I closed my eyes. She added a new, thinner line above my eyelashes and evened out what I smudged earlier.

"You look beautiful, Rae!" she exclaimed when she finished and our eyes met.

I looked in the mirror and inspected my face "I don't know, Sem, it is not me." I said slowly.

"Nonsense! Besides I bet Xian will like it" she said with a chuckle. "Are you two finally going to get together? I am tired of waiting! I know how you feel about him and honestly I don't know why you never told him".

Butterflies fluttered in my stomach at the mention of his name. _What in the void is happening to me_? _I cannot afford to think about men right now._ Such emotions are a distraction, which one cannot afford in times of war.

"I cannot tell him, the time could not be more inappropriate. Perhaps when the war is over..." I said determined that this was the right thing to do.

"But you've been fighting this war for so long. What if … well, what if something happens and you never get the chance?" Semiel said her voice slightly raised.

I took a deep breath and turned to my sister "First, it's mind your own business. And second ... maybe you are right. I should have given him a hint or said something. I have had so many chances. But, there have always been other priorities. I don't know Sem. All of this is happening too fast. I will think about it. It does not have to be tonight."

"Go to him and enjoy this evening, don't you dare worrying about anything! You deserve some happiness, sis" she said and kissed me on the cheek. "Don't change anything about your looks" she added and she pushed me out of the bathroom.

I went back to our room and I sat on my bed, my head swimming with thoughts. I felt so confused and torn apart. I did not know whom to pray to for some clearance. The images from last week were still fresh in my memory. The men I lost that day, I knew them personally. I knew their families, their children, their brothers and sisters. And here I sat, thinking about myself. How selfish of me. I am their leader I should mourn their lost lives. Instead, Xian's face slowly took shape in my mind. I could see his smile when we first met, at that moment I knew I will never meet another man like him.  
He saved my life so many times in the countless battles we fought side by side. And his presence has been a constant in my life, never faltering, never changing. I always found reasons to be close to him and now I know why he always insisted on healing me after trainings and missions. He was seeking my company as well. Why should I not allow us to be selfish for once then? People allow themselves some happiness even in times of war. Fighting for those you love could be enough, but not forever.

After dinner, which I barely touched, I stood up from the table and left the dining hall. I crossed the corridor that lead to the stairs for the third floor. _Nope, still not convinced that this was the right thing to do_. I stood at the base of the stairs and for a moment contemplated to turn around and go to my room, my resolve was melting away faster than the ice in the sun. Suddenly I noticed someone standing atop the stairs.  
"What a fine evening, Commander!".  
I looked up and saw Rhyan'nan smiling at me.  
"Wow, you look beautiful!" he exclaimed, but as our eyes he quickly added "...Sir. That was totally inappropriate reaction, wasn't it?"  
I took a deep breath to calm my already throbbing heart and smiled.  
"It's alright." I said as I started climbing the stairs. Halfway up, I met Rhyan'nan's smiling face, I turned around as he passed and said to him:  
"Say Rhyan, you seem quite happy, aren't you on duty tonight?"  
"No, sir! That was yesterday" he answered.  
 _Perfect! Semiel is also free!_ The mischievous thought formed in my head so quick that I blurted out "Semiel wanted to speak to you, she is in our quarters right now!" without even realizing it. The blush on Rhyan'nan's face told me I did the right thing so I turned around extremely satisfied with myself and continued climbing the stairs.  
I stopped in front of the door to Xian's quarters and took several deep breaths releasing the air slowly. My heart was still wildly pumping in my chest although at this point I could blame it on the stairs. _Yes, let's blame the stairs_! As my hand was halfway up and my knuckles almost touched the surface, the door opened. Xian's blue eyes focused on mine as I opened my mouth to speak.  
"You are here.." Xian breathed before I could say a word.  
"Hi" I said awkwardly. _Creators, get a grip_! I was happy the corridor was dark so he could not see me blushing.  
"Come in" he said as he moved from the opening and I quietly slipped in his room.  
The door closed shut and I turned around to face him. He did the same and as our eyes met he froze in his place. We looked at each other in silence as we inspected the changes we have both made in our appearance. His dark brown hair was now shaved on both sides of his head, part of the remaining hair was braided and the whole was held up in a tail. This exposed his ears and a scar on the left side of his skull. He was observing me in silence. His eyes moved on my face with a certain sadness in his look.  
"I like what you've done with your hair" I broke the silence as I closed the distance between us.  
"Mirae…" he paused "You are so beautiful" he said slowly with a sigh.  
"Hmf" I huffed under my nose, but a small smile broke on my lips. As I stood a breath away from him, my hand involuntarily moved up and cupped his right cheek. I gently guided his head to the left. As he did not protest, my fingers softly traced the length of his scar.  
"You never told me about this. What happened?" I asked seeming calm, but inside me a storm of feelings raged. All my life I have loved this man now standing in front of me, but only now I allowed myself such closeness. I felt his jaw clench underneath my hand.  
"It is a long story" he said and he turned his head to face me. His hand covered my hand that still cupped his cheek. My heart fluttered as he explored my face. _Was that love I saw in those beautiful blue eyes_? His other hand first traced the scar on my forehead.

"I remember when you got this one. I thought I had lost you. I wish I never have to part with you." he murmured. Then he moved his hand to the nape of my neck and pulled me closer. His lips gently touched mine and he paused as if he wanted to relish the moment. My whole body shuddered at the feel of his breath on my face. And then, he kissed me. As I closed my eyes I realized I have wanted this for a very, very long time. I wrapped my hands around him and surrendered to his affections. At first he was careful, as if I was a doll made of porcelain and he was afraid to crush me. But soon I could feel the burning desire in his kisses. The rest of the world faded away. It was just the two of us. We were wrapped in each other so tightly, there was nothing, but love between us. He spun us around and walked forward until I hit the door with my back. His hands leaned on each side of me. He broke the kiss and his forehead leaned on mine. His breathing was uneven and as he spoke his voice was hoarse.  
"I am such a fool!" he said quietly  
"Xian…" I started, but he continued speaking  
"I should not have waited until the last moment for this. The war ... it always came first. Our duty to the People ... I always assumed there was enough time. That after the war we could be … " his voice trailed and he clenched his teeth. "I should have told you how I felt long time ago. You mean everything to me, without you I … " he stopped and looked at me, his eyes saying more than his words.  
"I know, I feel the same way. I always have" I said as my hands held his face.  
"Ar lath ma" he whispered.  
"Ar lath ma" I answered and I kissed him as he wrapped his hands around me once more.

We spent the most of the night lying in his bed in each other's arms. Trying to make up for the lost time. We kissed, we laughed and spoke about everything - our love, our lives, the past.

"We were there for each other for such a long time and now there is barely any left." Xian said as he caressed my cheek with the back of his fingers. I moved closer to him. His warmth embraced me and I felt his love wash over me.

"Do not speak as if we are going to die. We are going to get through this." I said.

"I hope you are right." he said softly "You will change everything!"

"How so?" I asked confused

He took a deep breath. "At the council meeting... We decided to send a group of our best Fen'aris back through Memoria, do you remember?" he asked

"Yes, I remember" And as I said this the sinking feeling I had few months ago came back.

"Mirae, I...I proposed _**you**_ as the leader of this mission." he said carefully.

"Wait what?! Why me? You need me here! War is coming!" I blurted out.

"You are the only one that can succeed." he looked at me with certainty in his eyes, but his expression changed when he saw rage and shock ghosting on my face "Please, forgive me. You will understand one day." he added quietly.

"You tell me you love me and then you send me on a mission which I most likely will not return from. I will have difficulty understanding that! What about the Fen'aris? What about my sister? I cannot leave her! I cannot leave _**you**_. Not now, not after tonight!" I said feeling sharp pain piercing through my heart. My anger grew with every second. _All of this was wrong_. _Why am I the only one to succeed?_ I thought.

"Rhyan'nan will lead the Fen'aris, you taught him well. The council allows Semiel to go with you. I am sorry, my love, but this is our best option."

"If you think I am the only one that can succeed and that will help the future of our people, then I will comply. Just know this. You had no right proposing me as leader of this mission without first confirming it with me. You had no right to decide my fate. I have given my life, my blood and sweat for the People, but it was always _**my**_ decision, _**my**_ choice. I have always followed your orders without question and I will do so again, but Xian, if you ever hide something like this from me again I..." I said as heated anger kept rising in me to the point I felt my blood boiling.

"Vhenan, please..." Xian interrupted me, his hand resting on my shoulder "I understand your anger, but believe me when I tell you that one day, you will know why I did this" his eyes mirrored the sincerity in his words. I took a deep breath as I looked at him and nodded in agreement.

"Thank you" he said and pulled me closer. As we lay on his bed in each other's arms, his scent intoxicating me, the steady rhythm of his heart easing my pain, we fell asleep and dreams took over our burdened minds.


End file.
